There are times when something comes along that changes a perspective - forever alters the very fabric of one's being. I think I've lost my way in some respects. I think that the well-beaten path has taken a turn into the dark and mysterious forest of self-reliance.
This forest is where I currently find myself residing; a very disconcerting realization. I have veered off course and found myself entrenched in this fight for my own rights, a fight for self-preservation. Uncertainty has bound and gagged me, left here shuddering and wondering which way is out. It's times such as these when the Lord reaches His Omniscient hand into my lowly existence, with something such as a message from a slightly obscure movie.
I recently signed up for Netflix and was surfing around for movies to fill my queue. I clicked on Fireproof even though I wasn't terribly interested in watching it. When we finally received it tonight, we loaded it up and so it began.. it almost didn't make it past the first 10 minutes, due to the cheesy beginning.
When it was over, I was reduced to tears. The movie was just the enveloped message from The Messenger. And I realized how completely lost anyone is without the Lord's presence. I realized how lost I've been because I wandered off the path where He was walking beside me. Deciding to take my own route, ended me up here... on my couch.. in tears.
Not to say that my marriage is in trouble or in need of saving. This movie's message spoke volumes to MY heart and the saving it would need if I didn't find my way back the the path. It was a subtle reminder of how far I have fallen and how tolerant I have become in so many ways.
I don't want to be there anymore.
It isn't about being "fireproof" so to speak, it's about knowing what to do when the fire comes.
Well, I know what to do, I have just been ignoring it.
And I will not ignore it any longer.
