Crossroads

Sitting at work on a beautiful day is beyond difficult. It's probably around 70 degrees outside and I'm stuck sitting behind a desk, waiting for some patients to arrive. The work flow has been slow going - a small hospital does warrant small patient volumes, but this is getting kind of boring. I have a lot throughout my day to keep me busy. Since I am the first one to arrive in the morning, I tend to finish most of my tasks before 8:30 am, which then leaves me wondering what to do with the rest of my shift. I have become a "point person" of sorts in this little hospital; it's really neat to know that I was here when it started and I can leave my own mark on it in some meaninfgul way. I've had conversations with many people regarding work - people wonder how I can work in a hospital setting.

"Hospitals are so depressing.." is usually the sentiment.

While this may be true for most, I truly and completely love my job and the environment that comes along. There are some absolutely difficult days and times when I go home wishing I hadn't seen what came through the emergency room doors. I float around the halls helping where I can, when I can - this gives a strong sense of accomplishment considering I can find answers, which I really like doing. "I don't know" is an answer I rarely (if ever) give to fellow employees; I try my best to find an answer or a solution to an unknown question or situation. I could never work in retail or customer service, my temper would definitely get the best of me. Some of the best experiences I've had in my working career were with many of the terminally ill patients I saw on a weekly or daily basis. People who stared the finiteness of life in the face and still had cause to smile. Tony Groves is one such man, who touched my heart and my life in ways that I will never forget. People like him make this kind of job worth while..

"I'm sorry little sister, but my bag of joy isn't very full today."

This was how he greeted me one day when I went to visit him. This man, so full of life and effervesence, was confined to a bed with the cancer that would eventually claim his life. I thought of the irony in his statement, the way that I had been grumbling about something or another that morning. I was instantly shamed before the God who had brought this man into my life to show me what it meant to have joy. And here he was, in terrible pain, apologizing for an empty "bag of joy." I earned another family through him - the Groves have been a wonderful blessing and joy in my life. I would never have had that opportunity had I not been in that place at that time.

All of this has got me thinking about fate..

Not fate in the normal sense of the word - more like the path stretching out before me. There are so many different roads we could take throughout the course of our lives, and yet we invariably end up on one. Good or bad, this is the path we chose, this is the life we live. Even after choosing, certain paths lead us to various others - what to do in this predicament? I was thinking about the path my life has taken; it's so different from where I would have imagined myself 10 years ago.

When I was having a similar conversation with my wonderful friend Brittany, the topic of choices was brought into view. December 2005 brought me to a crossroads in my life and I chose a path.

"I'm glad you chose Dave," was Brit's response to the story I told about that crossroad nearly four years ago. For obvious reasons, I am too. For reasons not so obvious - I can't imagine where my life would be had I gone another way. I have a wonderful husband, amazing friends, and a fantastic job that many people my age don't just happen upon - all reasons that the crossroad was a marvelous place to stop and take in my surroundings. At the time, I had absolutely no idea where it would take me. The reality is, the Lord watched over me and brought me here.

Trust is an unfathomable thing to bring back to life when it had be so abused. It's been an interesting road - lots of learning along the way. I like to think that, on this very beautiful day, while I am sitting here penning my thoughts in my office, that life could not be better than it is right now. It all could have been so different. I have found myself in ways that I never thought possible when I was growing up - a voice that is rarely at a loss for words. People I love seek my advice (if they want a very honest opinion, that is) and I enjoy that the Lord has sought fit to give me certain insights. Someday, I hope to write a book. I don't know what it will be about, but I trust that when the idea happens upon me, I'll sit down and write it out.

This certainly is a beautiful day. I can't wait to go home and hang out with my hubby.